Things the Acolytes Shall Not Do
by StrawberryMnM
Summary: Magneto is sick and tired of his Acolyte's ridiculous antics, so he makes this set of rules in an attempt to put an end to the chaos.
1. The List

Don't ask me what inspired me to write this. I don't know. It just popped into my head a few years ago and I started writing it and then I forgot about it and now I just remembered it and here we go!

This thing has not been Beta-Read. It is random.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Magneto, the Acolytes, or anything else associated with X-men Evolution.

**Warnings:** Extreme Silliness.

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_Acolytes, _

_This has gone on long enough. This is a list of rules, you are to abide by them, or risk the consequences._

**1. **The Acolytes shall not bring Australian animals back to the base. I don't care how homesick they are.

**2.** The Acolytes shall not teach pyromaniacs poker.

**3.** The Acolytes shall not sharpen their claws with a kitchen utensil.

**4.** The Acolytes shall not run through walls to save time. I don't care if it's an emergency, walls can be VERY expensive to replace.

**5.** The Acolytes shall not set the living room on fire.

**6.** The Acolytes shall not set ANY room on fire.

**7.** The Acolytes shall not set ANYTHING on fire. Without permission, that is.

**8.** The Acolytes shall not charge the deck of cards used to blast a hole in the wall before handing them over to me.

**9.** The Acolytes shall not paint in the living room. I don't care if Pyro burned down your art studio.

**10.** No Acolyte shall try to kill the other Acolytes. I know they're annoying, but good help is hard to find. I also know that true, some of them may not qualify as "good" help, but they're the best I could get.

**11.** The Acolytes shall not destroy my experiments just for the fun of it.

**12.** The Acolytes shall not attempt to give me a migraine. Ever.

**13.** The Acolytes shall not do anything that COULD give me a migraine.

**14.** The Acolytes shall not sharpen their nails on the couch or any other piece of furniture.

**15.** The Acolytes shall not attempt to win my daughter's affection by leaving her love notes made of fire on the Brotherhood's lawn.

**16.** The Acolytes shall not attempt to win my daughter's affection by setting Toad on fire.

**17.** The Acolytes shall not attempt to win my daughter's affection AT ALL.

**18.** The Acolytes shall not call me "Bucket Head," "Magsy," or any other insulting "terms of endearment."

**19.** The Acolytes shall not throw food at each other, or more importantly, ME.

**20.** The Acolytes shall not steal my paperwork.

**21.** The Acolytes shall not steal my paperclips. I am Magneto. I will find them, despite your puny attempts to hide them.

**23.** The Acolytes shall not under any circumstances declare war on The Brotherhood. Despite what one may think, we need those idiots.

**24.** The Acolytes shall not attempt to kill Toad for flirting with my daughter. That is my job.

**25.** The Acolytes shall not destroy the base and blame it on the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys.

**26.** The Acolytes shall not destroy the forest which hides us from humans and blame it on the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys.

**27.** The Acolytes shall not destroy anything and blame it on the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys.

**28.** The Acolytes will stop insisting the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys are real.

**29.** The Acolytes will not mention evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys ever, EVER, again.

**30.** The Acolytes will go to a zoo and finally get the silly idea that camels _moo _out of their heads. Camels do not moo. They spit. They do not make the sound _moo_.

**31.** The Acolytes will stop pestering me while I am working on an experiment.

**32.** The Acolytes will stop making said experiments go wrong.

**33.** The Acolytes will stop insisting that Sabertooth got turned into an actual cat and was taken to the pound. Sabertooth is not a cat. I do not know where he has been for the past few weeks, but I assure you, he is not a cat locked in the pound. And no, you are not allowed to go rescue him.

**34.** The Acolytes shall not buy a thousand cartons of ice cream.

**35.** The Acolytes shall not kidnap Sabertooth and put him in the zoo. Sabertooth, despite what he may act like at times, is not a wild cat.

**36.** The Acolytes shall not let out all of the kangaroos in the zoo. They are not enslaved.

**37.** The Acolytes shall not stalk any of the X-Women. I don't care if she's your "cherie," you're behavior is unacceptable, inappropriate considering they're supposed to be our enemies, and truthfully, it's slightly disturbing.

**38.** The Acolytes shall not braid Sabertooth's hair with pink bows and ribbons. He will eat you.

**39.** The Acolytes shall not call Mastermind a monkey. Mastermind is not a monkey, despite his looks.

**40.** The Acolytes shall not steal all doors and give them to Pyro to burn.

**41.** The Acolytes shall stop calling my daughter "luv."

**42.** The Acolytes shall not mumble things in Russian behind my back. I know what they mean.

**43.** The Acolytes shall not paint a mural in their bedroom. I don't care if your bedroom's too plain.

**44.** The Acolytes shall not open and close a lighter repeatedly. It's annoying.

**45.** The Acolytes shall not disobey orders just to get revenge on Wolverine. Revenge can come later.

**46.** The Acolytes shall not dye my uniform pink.

**47.** The Acolytes shall not dye Sabertooth's uniform pink.

**48.** The Acolytes will stop celebrating April Fool's Day.

**49.** The Acolytes will stop celebrating Talk Like a Pirate Day.

**50.** The Acolytes will stop celebrating any holiday that allows them to dress up and act like children.

**51.** The Acolytes shall not compare me to Gandalf from the Lord of the Rings. I look nothing like him.

_ Anyone who breaks these rules shall be promptly and severely punished!_

_Your leader and commander,_

_Magneto._

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So...what did you think? Tell me! PLEASE!

Constructive Critism is always welcomed with open arms, compliments make the world go round, anonymous reviews are awesome, and flames will be given to Pyro.

Thanks!


	2. Breaking the Rules

Hi! Two of my dearest reviewers wanted this to be longer, so I decided to continue it. These will be posted very slowly though, since I have a lot of other things I'm working on. However, I shall try to update soon!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own X-men Evolution. If I did...the world would be a different place.

**Warnings:** None so far.

This has STILL not been Beta-Read.

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Pyro, Gambit, and Colossus looked at the list in front of them. Magneto had recently posted multiple pieces of paper around the base, and the three Acolytes had read the paper, only to find it was a list of rules.

"Well, that's no fun," Pyro said.

"Ah, but what did de chil' who put de tack in de teacher's chair say?" Gambit smirked. "Rules were mean' t' be broken. I sugges' we break t'ese rules an' drive Magsy nuts."

"But we have already done most of the things on this list, comrades," Colossus blinked.

"Ah, t'ere's de challenge," Gambit said. "We 'ave t' find mo' creative ways t' break t'em now."

"OOH!" Pyro nodded. "Oi like it! An', we can also find more ways to drive Ol' Bucket-Head nuts!"

"Exactly, mon ami," Gambit smiled slyly.

"Oh dear..." Colossus whimpered. "I do not have a good feeling about this..."

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Yes yes, I'm sure you're thinking, "That's it?!" but, you see...I'm not quite sure which rule they should break first. So...send in suggestions of which of the rules you want them to break next!

And, you can't really tell me which rule they should break next without reviewing so...

Oh, and thank "Please-Insert-Pen-Name-Here" and "Vivian" for encouraging me to write more!


	3. Rule 1

Hi!

Sorry this is so short! I didn't do so well on this one, but I'll do better next time!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own X-men Evolution.

**Warnings:** Silliness.

This has so not been Beta-Read.

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Rule One: The Acolytes Shall Not Bring Australian Animals to the Base

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When Magneto woke up the next morning, there were two thoughts that entered into his mind.

The first thought was "_What did my idiotic Acolytes do?!_" The second thought was, "_Why is there an ostrich on my bed_?!"

True enough, an ostrich was hovering over him. Magneto summoned an iron pole and managed to poke the ostrich until it got off of his bed with much loud squawking.

Magneto got up out of bed, only to give out a startled cry when he almost put his foot into a hungry alligator's (or was it a crocodile?) jaws. He got out of bed and opened his closet doors only to find himself face-to-face with a penguin, who just happened to be wearing his helmet. A PENGUIN. WEARING. _HIS_. HELMET. _Unacceptable_.

"DIE PENGUIN!" Magneto screeched, summoning all the metal objects he could find and throwing them at the flightless bird. However, the bird simply ducked and dodged and somehow managed to waddle out of the room.

"Someone's going to pay for this!" Magneto exclaimed, chasing after the bird.

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The first thing Sabertooth noticed when he came into the living room was the tiger lying on the couch, chewing on a pillow. What was so appetizing about the pillow, Sabertooth couldn't fathom. He had tried eating a pillow once, and it hadn't gone well.

The second thing he noticed was the elephant, trying to go into the hall, but it didn't fit.

And the third thing he noticed was the the flamingo which had, at the exact moment he walked into the room, flown up to him and perched itself on his head.

Sabertooth yowled and swung at the bird that had sat on his hair. The flamingo squawked and flew away, only to return to his hair the moment Sabertooth put his hand down. Sabertooth once again shooed it away. The flamingo once again returned afterward. Sabertooth then tried to catch the bird and make a meal out of it. He failed.

"Stupid bird!" Sabertooth growled. "STAY OUTTA MY HAIR!"

More and more birds flocked to Sabertooth's skull, trying to land on his head. Apparently, they thought his hair made a very fine bird's nest.

"AAAAAGHKK!"

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"Which one of you would like to explain what is going on?!" Magneto demanded.

"Well, ya kinda forbid Aussie animals," Pyro started.

"But y' neve' said anythin' 'bout ot'er animals," Gambit finished.

Colossus said nothing, probably due to the fact that he had nothing to do with this nonsense.

"What about the kangaroo? I believe that is Australian," Magneto growled.

"Ya mean Joey? 'E's been 'ere for months!" Pyro said. "Rather surprising that ya didn't notice 'im befo'!"

"The crocodiles then. They are most definitely new," Magneto scowled.

"T'ose ain't crocodiles!" Remy exclaimed, offended. "T'ey're good ol' Cajun 'gators!"

Magneto sighed. His lackeys had somehow smuggled a tiger, an elephant, two flamingos, countless assorted rodents, a lion, a black panther, a panda, a red panda, five lemurs, he didn't even want to think of how many parrots, tweeting sparrows, ten peacocks, a rhino, a large amount of tarantulas, a penguin, a bunch of other birds, alligators, and who knows what else into the base. Overall, the base was a mess.

"I hope you know that you will have to send them back to where they came from and clean up the mess!" Magneto told them.

"But they our new pets!" Pyro said.

"I. Don't. Care!" Magneto shouted. "I WANT THEM OUT! OUT! OUT OF MY HOUSE, MY BASE, MY OFFICE, MY ROOM!"

"Yeesh, no need to be so huffy about it," Pyro shakes his head.

"OUT!"

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Yeah, I know, not my best. But I do better next time! Really, I will! Promise!

Review! Anonymous reviews are Awesome, Constructive Criticism is Cool, and Flames shall be used to torch Magneto.


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